[TheForge] OT ALERT: Next time you want someone to evaluate your resume...

[Andy Vida]

... try this.  It worked for me.


"O Great and Stern Mistress!  O Uncompromising and Severe Goddess of the
Resume, I prithee, nay, I *beseech* Thee hear my prayers, for I am a
creature lowly and without clue; a mere and abject cur, exhausted of
intellect, cowering in awe before the dazzling and blinding actinic
light that thy shining countenance of beauty nonpareil radiates unto
mine wholly wretched and undeserving self.  I beg thee read this, mine
wholly miserable, yet fully revised resume that outlines mine useless
and unworthy existence as a computer professional.  I prithee read and
excoriate me, this awful and hollow creature, giving unto me the Holy
Litany of faults, flaws, and all manner of foul and reviling causes for
mine sorrow-laden and doleful shame of self in hopes that I may by some
impossible miracle become worthy of thy wrath and make amends to mine
Word-formatted document, daring not hope that with diligent tuning and
magic, this most unfortunate bastard child of mine shriveled intellect
might one day barely pass eyeworthiness of even the lowest hiring
manager as may crawl the earth on its belly in the manner of a hated
and despised serpent.

Cowering, shivering, and whimpering in a corner of mine office until
such time as thy counterblaste may pollarize mine hairs straightward
to the rear, I remain your adoring, if cringing servant,

      -Knave Andrew"