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ers and operators manual:=0A=0A=A0Subject: A "How To" Guide for Giving Pill=
s to Cats and Dogs=0A>  =0A> =0A>=A0=A0 =0A>>=A0 =0A>>How to Give a Cat  a =
Pill=A0 =0A>>1.=A0Pick up cat and cradle  it in the crook of your left=A0=
=0A>>arm as if holding a =0A        baby.=0A>>Position right forefinger and=
 thumb on =0A        either side of cat's=A0=0A>>mouth and gently apply =0A=
        pressure to cheeks while holding=A0=0A>>pill in right hand As cat =
=0A        opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.=A0=0A>>=0A>>Allow cat to close=
 mouth and =0A        swallow.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>2.=A0Retrieve pill from floor =
and cat from  behind sofa.=A0=0A>>=0A>>Cradle =0A        cat in left arm an=
d repeat process.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>3.=A0Retrieve  cat from bedroom, and throw =
soggy pill away.=A0=0A>>4.=A0Take new pill from  foil wrap, cradle cat in l=
eft arm,=A0=0A>>holding rear paws tightly =0A        with left hand.=0A>>=
=0A>>=0A>>Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth  with right=A0=0A>=
>forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of =0A        ten.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>5=
.=A0Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.=0A>>Call=
 =0A        spouse in from the garden.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>6.=A0Kneel on floor wi=
th  cat wedged firmly between knees,=A0=0A>>hold front and rear =0A        =
paws.=A0=0A>>Ignore =0A        low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hol=
d head=A0=0A>>firmly with =0A        one hand while forcing wooden ruler in=
to mouth.=A0=0A>>Drop pill down =0A        ruler and rub cat's throat  vigo=
rously.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>7.=A0Retrieve cat from curtain  rail.=A0=0A>>Get =0A =
       another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler=A0=0A>>and =
=0A        repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines=A0=0A>>and =
vases from hearth and set to one =0A        side for gluing later.=0A>>=0A>=
>8.=A0Wrap cat in large towel and  get spouse to lie on cat with=A0=0A>>hea=
d just visible from below =0A        armpit.=A0=0A>>Put pill in end of drin=
king straw, force =0A        mouth open with=A0=0A>>pencil and blow down dr=
inking =0A        straw=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>9.=A0Check label to make sure pill no=
t  harmful to humans and=A0=0A>>drink one beer to take taste away. Apply =
=0A        band-aid to spouse's=A0=0A>>forearm and remove blood from =0A   =
     carpet with cold water and soap.=A0=0A>>10.=A0Retrieve cat from neighb=
or's shed.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>Get =0A        another pill. Open another beer. Pl=
ace cat in cupboard,=A0=0A>>and =0A        close door onto neck, to leave h=
ead showing. Force=A0=0A>>mouth open =0A        with dessert spoon. Flick p=
ill down throat with elastic =0A        band.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>11.=A0Fetch scr=
ewdriver from  garage and put cupboard door back on=A0=0A>>hinges. Drink be=
er. Fetch =0A        bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.=A0=0A>>=0A>>Apply =
cold compress to cheek and check =0A        records for date of last=A0=0A>=
>tetanus shot. Apply  whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.=A0=0A>>Toss b=
ack =0A        another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch  new=A0=0A>>one=
 from bedroom.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>12.=A0Call fire  department to retrieve t=
he #$%^&* cat from the top of  the=A0=0A>>tree across the road. Apologize t=
o neighbor who crashed into=A0=0A>>fence while swerving to =0A        avoid=
 cat.=0A>>Take last pill from foil =0A        wrap.=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>13.=A0Usi=
ng heavy-duty pruning gloves from  shed, tie the little=A0=0A>>*&#%^'s fron=
t paws to rear paws with =0A        garden twine and bind=A0=0A>>tightly to=
 leg of dining table. Push pill =0A        into mouth followed by=A0=0A>>la=
rge piece of filet steak.  Be rough about it. Hold head vertically=A0=0A>>a=
nd pour two pints of =0A        water down throat to wash pill down.=A0=0A>=
>=0A>>=0A>>14.=A0Consume  remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to  =
the=A0=0A>>emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers =0A   =
     and=A0=0A>>forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. =0A      =
  Call=A0=0A>>furniture shop on way home to order new table.=A0=0A>>=0A>>=
=0A>>=0A>>15.=A0Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call=
=A0=0A>>local pet shop to =0A        see if they have any hamsters.=A0=0A>>=
=0A>>=0A>>How To Give A Dog A  Pill=0A>>=0A>>1. Wrap it in  bacon.=0A>>=0A>=
>2. Toss it in the  air.=A0=0A>>=0A>>=0A>>3. All  done! =0A>>=A0       =0A>=
>=A0    =0A>____________________________________________________________   =
 
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