[SOC] Fwd: FW: Punographics

[john bell]

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver 
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to 
myself that guy’s heading for a breakdown.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe 
that, 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Man calls 999 and says “I think my wife is dead.” The operator says how 
do you know? He says “The sex is the same but the ironing is building up.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she 
was poor – she only had £1.20 in her purse.

A wife says to her husband “You’re always pushing me around and talking 
behind my back.” He says “What do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair.”

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get 
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said “I 
would like to come back as a cow.” I said “You’re obviously not listening.”

Local Police hunting the ‘Knitting Needle Nutter’, who has stabbed six 
people in the village in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could 
be following some kind of pattern.

Bought some rocket salad yesterday, but it went off before I could eat it.

Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the 
head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the 
worst. So I’ve been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I 
was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a 
coffin. Three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I 
thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot.

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our 
local pet shop and they were £70! Sod this, I thought, I can get one 
cheaper off the web.