[SOC] Certainly Second Class

[BP]

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True Hillbilly Stories

A friend told the redhead: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”

The hillbilly then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

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Two hillbillys find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a 
police station.

One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”

The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”

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A woman phoned her hillbilly neighbor and said: “Close your curtains the 
next time you & your husband are having sex. The whole street was 
watching and laughing at you yesterday.”

To which the hillbilly replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I 
wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

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A hillbilly is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: “Did you find the 
shampoo?”

She answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and 
I’ve just wet mine.”

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A hillbilly goes to the vet with her goldfish. “I think it’s got 
epilepsy,” she tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me.”

The hillbilly says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.

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A hillbilly spies a letter lying on her doormat. It says on the envelope 
“DO NOT BEND “.

She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

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A hillbilly man shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant 
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.

“No”, he shouts, “this is her husband!”

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A hillbilly was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to 
swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in 
the road.

The cop says, “That’s your air freshener swinging about!”

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A hillbillys dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband says “Why 
don’t you put an ad in the paper?”

She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. “What did you 
put in the paper?” her husband asks.

“Here boy!” she replies.

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A hillbilly is in jail. Guard looks in her cell and sees her hanging by 
her feet.
“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks. “Hanging myself,” the hillbilly replies.

“It should be around your neck” says the guard. “I tried that,” she 
replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe.”

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(This one actually makes sense…lol)

An Italian tourist asks a hillbilly: “Why do Scuba divers always fall 
backwards off their boats?”

To which the hillbilly replies: “If they fell forward, they’d still be 
in the boat.”

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-- 
73,     Bob Patten, N4BP                Plantation, FL

E-Mail :   n4bp at arrl.net                Website: http://www.qsl.net/n4bp
SOC #1          ARS #799                QRP ARCI #3412       FISTS #7871
FP #1491                                SMIRK #6625