[SOC] These are bad

[G4IPZ.COM]

I bow down in homage to 8 of the WORST puns ever!

Slim G4IPZ
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Bob Nielsen 
  To: Second Class Operators' Club 
  Sent: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 2:25 AM
  Subject: [SOC] These are bad




  > Eight BAD ones ....
  >> 
  >> 1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of
  >> war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
  >> Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,
  >> he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
  >> 
  >> Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
  >> "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you
  >> know who I am? I am the king!"
  >> Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference
  >> who you are."
  >> 
  >> ---------------------
  >> 
  >> 2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
  >> bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in
  >> a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
  >> 
  >> ---------------------
  >> 
  >> 3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I
  >> think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle
  >> down..You'll just have to be a little patient."
  >> 
  >> ---------------------
  >> 
  >> 4. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted
  >> to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for
  >> watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were
  >> so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
  >> California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression -- "He
  >> who has a Tate's is lost!"
  >> 
  >> ----------------------
  >> 
  >> 5. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
  >> man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
  >> strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite
  >> off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a
  >> month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The
  >> chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers
  >> on."
  >> 
  >> ----------------------
  >> 
  >> 6. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
  >> name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining
  >> to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must
  >> have taken Leif off my census."
  >> 
  >> ----------------------
  >> 
  >> 7. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
  >> on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
  >> became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept
  >> on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove
  >> that... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the
  >> squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this
  >> one).
  >> 
  >> -----------------------
  >> 
  >> 8. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
  >> remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the
  >> leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
  >> constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder
  >> looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like
  >> these, you don't need enemas."
  >>   
  >>  
  > 
  > 
  > 
  > 

  _____
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