[SOC] The Chosen

[Radio K0HB]

The Wise Ones live in the depths of the D, E, and F-Layers, and in the servers at Yahoo.com and QRZ.com. They are the descendants of the Gods. I personally subscribe to the theory they are the children of Thor Heyerdahl, the Viking god of Thunder and Balsawood Raft Dxpeditions. But that's another story.

The Wise Ones control everything that happens on the air and on forums and reflectors, but they can't police every pileup or every Yahoogroup or Forum by themselves, so every morning, just before daylight over Katmandu, the Wise Ones select the "Mostest Intellegentest DXer" in their layer or server and convey upon him the title INFLICTOR OF HIGHER MORAL HARANGUES. This title and its duties last until the following dawn on Bouvet, if someone is there to observe the sunrise. Otherwise your duties end when the spirit of WA2MOE gets tired of your crap and sends his lawyers with a gag order.

If you are ever chosen you will know because a representative of the Wise Ones will anoint your temples with oil from a forty-five year old bottle of Dr. Guano, collected on Ocean Island by VR1L in 1963. For that day you will be known as "The Chosen". Your duties will be to seek out those that don't do things the way you do them (in other words, the right way.), don't have properly formatted call prefixes, or miss-use the word "bingo" on the cluster. When you find them, it will be your Solemn Duty to correct them.

Just think about it..."too wide", "too weak", "too slow" "UP UP UP UP", "too fast", "what's your full call dammit", "wrong VFO", "prefix from the wrong time zone", "rotten fist", "poor pileup control", "wrong band", "wrong QSL route", "you timed out the repeater", "wrong lingo", "not enough green stamps", "you're in the DX window", "digital signals suck"...... all these righteous harangues and many others......they're all yours as one of The Chosen.

When you find these wayward ones, you will lumber onto their frequency, stand up in your operating chair and shout, I AM SMARTER THAN YOU, SHUT UP AND LISTEN. You will now have the wayward one's undivided attention. He will think about this very briefly, then yield to your superior intellect. 

He will be very receptive to your thoughts and point of view.

Lecture him and proceed to the next wrong doer.

Now for the sad part of this tale. There are pretenders and charlatans out there who try to usurp the rightful powers of The Chosen. To you villainous and presumptive few, I say beware. For the Wise Ones have also created BAWA (Baddest Ass What's Around). No matter how bad you are, BAWA has the ability to be badder. You will know when you start your lecture and Bawa yells back, "You're a jerk, but I'm a bigger one. LET'S ESCALATE".

And you will have no choice.

But soon BAWA will tire of you and sink your little balsa boat. As you slip under the surface you will yell, "BUT I WAS RIGHT, DAMMIT" and you will once again prove the ancient mariners axiom -- AN OPEN MOUTH TAKES ON WATER.

73, de Hans, K0HB
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"Just a boy and his radio"
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Proud Member of:
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 LVDXA - http://www.lvdxa.org
 CWOps - http://www.cwops.org
 SOC - http://www.qsl.net/soc
 TCFMC - http://tcfmc.org
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