[SOC] The Salvation of Little Billy Beeper

[Radio K0HB]

(Apologies to Kurt Vonnegut)

To all external appearances, Farnsworth Corners, U.S.A., is bright, cheerful, and happy. However, in dark corners of the city lurk Godless Nocoders who seek to undermine the moral fabric of our mighty Nation.

In a dirty basement apartment, an underfed, seedy-looking old man wearing small, round spectacles and threadbare clothes, types furiously at a musty desk illumined only by a single, naked bulb. As the pages fly through his typewriter, an evil plan gradually emerges: a treacherous treatise which threatens the well-being of the upright citizens of Farnsworth Corners. The work is completed, and the old man leans back thoughtfully and smiles as he rubs the three-day stubble on his chin. The time has come for the Hammer of NoCode to strike!

Some weeks later, in another part of town, little Billy Beeper walks home from school. Suddenly he hears a voice right next to his ear.

"Psst! Hey, kid! Would you like to try my 2M HT? It's free!"

Billy's eyes open wide as he faces the stranger. An embroidered patch on the mans soiled jumpsuit reads "Codefree Charlie". "Gosh, no! N1EA told me never to touch a radio which didn't beep!"

"Aw, c'mon!" says the old man. "I only wanna be friends with you!"

"Well, I don't know," replies Billy. "I was told that FM was bad for you!"

"That's just what the grown-ups say to scare you!" says the drooling man.

"The truth is that they don't want you to try it 'cause it'll make you grow up faster and be able to smoke cigarettes and drink liquor just like them!"

Billy is hesitant, but suddenly a tall form looms before them and grabs the ruffian by the collar.

"Golly!" exclaims Billy. "It's Captain Code!"

Yes, Readers, it's Captain Code: faster than a Vibroplex Blue Racer, more powerful than an Alpha three-holer, able to leap tall pileups in a single bound.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, old man," says Captain Code to the hoodlum. "There are far better ways to earn money than to hoodwink innocent children into a life of codelessness. It's to the FCC for you!

"And as for you, young friend, take my advice and stay away from strangers, and believe nothing that they say. It's tragic, but until Godless Nocodism is abolished from the world, there will always be those who would like nothing better than to hurt you ."

"Gee, thanks, Captain Code!" says Billy. "I promise that I'll always listen to Mom and Dad, and I'll keep away from strangers with shacks on their belt!"

73, de Hans, K0HB
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