[SOC] Try reading this without laughing

[Curt Steger]

Just try reading this without laughing!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his
lovely Wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of thetazer were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all      that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my
recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I
was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
thing out on a flesh & blood
moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction
of a second) and thought better of it.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against
a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I
wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately  on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
and disorient your assailant. Longer bursts would do more.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as to say, '' don't do it stupid,'' reasoning that a one second burst from
such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
myself a one second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to
my naked thigh, pushed the button, and

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . ....!!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the
recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over
again. I vaguely
recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes,
body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with
my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my
legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a
picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid
getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ' mug ' yourself with a tazer, one note
of caution:
there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will
not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent
thrashing about on the floor..  A three second burst would be considered
conservative?

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed
the landscape. My
bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was
upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps,
right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had
been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no
control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my
sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe came from my hair.

P.S ... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift,
and now regularly threatens me with it!

 If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!