[SOC] (no subject)

[Spencer Sholly]

Arrest report

A public high school math teacher was arrested today at JFK International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said that he believes the high school teacher is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.  He did not identify the man, said to be middle aged, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al-Gebra has been and continues to be a problem for us', the attorney General said.  'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.'

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement made by the President.  It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

  		 	   		  
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