[SOC] Puns

[Bob Nielsen]

1.  The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.  I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian

3.  She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4.  A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math  disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.

6.  No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7.  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for  
littering.

8.  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

9.  Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10.  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

11.  A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are
looking into it.

12.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to
the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the  
Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No  
change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19.  The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.

20.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.

21.  A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your
count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!