[SOC] Going to Wal-Mart By Age

[Carl Strode]

Oh gawd!

I just turned 55 but my modus operandi is closer to the 80-year old's.

di di dah dah dit dit

Walter - K5EST wrote:
> Scenario:
>
> You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing
> the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or
> whatever.  You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint.  You have
> your old work clothes on.  You know, the outfit - shorts with the hole
> in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain  from who knows what, and an old
> pair of tennis shoes.
>
>
>
> Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize
> you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.
>
>
>
> Depending on your age you might do the following:
>
> In your 20's:
>
> Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
>
> brush your teeth, floss,  and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in
>
> the mirror and flex.  Add a dab of your favourite cologne because you
>
> never know, you just might meet some  hot chick while standing in the
>
> checkout lane.  You went to school with the pretty girl running the
>
> register.
>
>
>
> In  your 30's:
>
> Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change shoes.
>
> You married the hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your hands
>
> and comb your  hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.  Add
>
> a shot  of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl
>
> running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school
>
> with.
>
>
>
> In  your 40's:
>
> Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover
>
> the hole in the crotch of  your shorts.  Put on different shoes and a
>
> hat.  Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so
>
> you don't want to  waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.  Check
>
> yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The spicy
>
> young thing running the register  is your daughter's age and you feel
>
> weird thinking she is spicy.
>
>
>
> In  your 50's:
>
> Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on; wipe the dirt off your hands
>
> onto your shirt.   Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
>
> your new sports car.   Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to
>
> wear that shirt  anymore because it makes you look fat.  The Cutie
>
> running the register  smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
>
> still have it.  Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's
>
> Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
>
>
>
> In  your 60's:
>
> Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit
>
> off your shoes The  mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You
>
> hope you have  underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
>
> The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your
>
> glasses on so you are not  sure.
>
>
>
> In  your 70's:
>
> Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
>
> prescriptions ready,  too.  Don't even notice the dog shit on your
>
> shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind
>
> her of her grandfather.
>
>
>
> In  your 80's:
>
> Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now you
>
> remember you  needed to go to Wal-Mart.  Go to Wal-Mart and wander
>
> around trying to think  what the hell it is you are looking for.  Fart
>
> out loud and you think you  heard someone called out your name.  You
>
> went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
>
> ..
> 73....Walter - K5EST
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