[SOC] Going to Wal-Mart By Age

[Walter - K5EST]

Scenario:

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing
the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or
whatever.  You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint.  You have
your old work clothes on.  You know, the outfit - shorts with the hole
in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain  from who knows what, and an old
pair of tennis shoes.



Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize
you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.



Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,

brush your teeth, floss,  and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in

the mirror and flex.  Add a dab of your favourite cologne because you

never know, you just might meet some  hot chick while standing in the

checkout lane.  You went to school with the pretty girl running the

register.



In  your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change shoes.

You married the hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your hands

and comb your  hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.  Add

a shot  of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl

running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school

with.



In  your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover

the hole in the crotch of  your shorts.  Put on different shoes and a

hat.  Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so

you don't want to  waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.  Check

yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The spicy

young thing running the register  is your daughter's age and you feel

weird thinking she is spicy.



In  your 50's:

Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on; wipe the dirt off your hands

onto your shirt.   Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in

your new sports car.   Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to

wear that shirt  anymore because it makes you look fat.  The Cutie

running the register  smiles when she sees you coming and you think you

still have it.  Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's

Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'



In  your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit

off your shoes The  mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You

hope you have  underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.

The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your

glasses on so you are not  sure.



In  your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your

prescriptions ready,  too.  Don't even notice the dog shit on your

shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind

her of her grandfather.



In  your 80's:

Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now you

remember you  needed to go to Wal-Mart.  Go to Wal-Mart and wander

around trying to think  what the hell it is you are looking for.  Fart

out loud and you think you  heard someone called out your name.  You

went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

..
73....Walter - K5EST