[SOC] Fw: History Lesson

[W2AGN]

Bob Krueger wrote:
> Submitted by Bob Krueger  WB9UKQ
>
>   
>>> WORLD HISTORY -- AS IT REALLY HAPPENED!!!
>>> Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
>>>       
>> They
>>     
>>> lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the
>>>       
>> coast
>>     
>>> and live on fish and lobster in winter.
>>>
>>> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
>>>       
>> beer
>>     
>>> and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
>>>       
>> the
>>     
>>> beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
>>>       
>> were 
>>     
>>> the
>>> catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
>>>
>>> Liberals and Conservatives.
>>>
>>> Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning
>>>       
>> of
>>     
>>> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
>>>       
>> yet, 
>>     
>>> so
>>> while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
>>>       
>> to be
>>     
>>> invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
>>>
>>> That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking
>>>       
>> and
>>     
>>> killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This
>>>       
>> was
>>     
>>> the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
>>>
>>> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
>>>       
>> off
>>     
>>> the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
>>> sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
>>>       
>> Liberal
>>     
>>> movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
>>>       
>>> rest
>>> became known as 'girliemen.'
>>>
>>> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
>>>       
>> cats, 
>>     
>>> the
>>> invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
>>>       
>> Democratic
>>     
>>> voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
>>> provided.
>>>
>>> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
>>>       
>> most
>>     
>>> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
>>>       
>> by 
>>     
>>> the
>>> jackass.
>>>
>>> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer 
>>> white
>>> wine or imported bottled water.. They eat raw fish but like their beef
>>>       
>>> well
>>> done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
>>>
>>> Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have 
>>> higher
>>> testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
>>>       
>> injury
>>     
>>> attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
>>> liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
>>>       
>> wasn't
>>     
>>> "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
>>>
>>> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
>>>       
>> for
>>     
>>> their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, 
>>> lumberjack,
>>> construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,
>>>       
>> corporate
>>     
>>> executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works 
>>> productively.
>>> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
>>>       
>> work
>>     
>>> for a living.
>>>
>>> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
>>>       
>> producers 
>>     
>>> and
>>> decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
>>>       
>> more
>>     
>>> enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained
>>>       
>> in
>>     
>>> Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after
>>>       
>> the
>>     
>>> Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for
>>> nothing.
>>>
>>> Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a 
>>> Liberal
>>> may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before 
>>> forwarding
>>> it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
>>>       
>> absolute
>>     
>>> truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
>>>       
>> "true
>>     
>>> believers."
>>>
>>>       

Bravo! Now if you posted that to the Flying Pigs list, it would get you 
thrown out.  Never mind the dire consequences of posting it to QRP-L ;-)

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