[SOC] Fw: History Lesson

[Bob Krueger]

Submitted by Bob Krueger  WB9UKQ

> 
>> WORLD HISTORY -- AS IT REALLY HAPPENED!!!
>> Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
> They
>> lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the
> coast
>> and live on fish and lobster in winter.
>>
>> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
> beer
>> and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
> the
>> beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together
> were 
>> the
>> catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
>>
>> Liberals and Conservatives.
>>
>> Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning
> of
>> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
> yet, 
>> so
>> while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
> to be
>> invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
>>
>> That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking
> and
>> killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This
> was
>> the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
>>
>> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> off
>> the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
>> sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
> Liberal
>> movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
> 
>> rest
>> became known as 'girliemen.'
>>
>> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
> cats, 
>> the
>> invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
> Democratic
>> voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
>> provided.
>>
>> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
> most
>> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
> by 
>> the
>> jackass.
>>
>> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer 
>> white
>> wine or imported bottled water.. They eat raw fish but like their beef
> 
>> well
>> done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
>>
>> Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have 
>> higher
>> testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
> injury
>> attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
>> liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
> wasn't
>> "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
>>
>> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
> for
>> their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, 
>> lumberjack,
>> construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,
> corporate
>> executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works 
>> productively.
>> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
> work
>> for a living.
>>
>> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
> producers 
>> and
>> decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are
> more
>> enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained
> in
>> Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after
> the
>> Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for
>> nothing.
>>
>> Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a 
>> Liberal
>> may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before 
>> forwarding
>> it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
> absolute
>> truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
> "true
>> believers."
>>
>> 
> 
> 


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