[SOC] Fw: Darwin Awards (fwd)

[Bob Baxter]

> Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Award 2003.
The
> candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar with the
> Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who provided the
> Universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in the
most
> extraordinarily Stupid way. As always, competition again this year has
been
> keen.
>
> DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
>
> * In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
> feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate
> to retrieve his car keys.
>
> * In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
> when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily
> run.
>
> * Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into
> the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21,
> dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in
a
> beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
>
> burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer
banks,
> used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
resident
> of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
> heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked
on.
> Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> * In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
> face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death
> was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep
his
> hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
>
>
> * According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
> stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was
> trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was
> wearing.
>
> * Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del,
as
> he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
> four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
>
> * In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27,
> and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in
the
> game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles
>
> . DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
>
> * In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with
a
> shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near
> the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
>
> * In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
> cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch
> and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.
>
>
> * Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife
> Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
> car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and
> tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently
> failed to notice the window was closed.
>
> RUNNER UP....
>
> TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one
of
> them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
> Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
> least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon
> arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
> brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
and
> pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the
cable
> was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.
> His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
>
> off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water
>
> and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say, " said Bingham,
"is
>
> that God was watching out for me on that night." "There's just no other
> explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
>
> AND THE WINNER....
>
> PADERBORN, GERMANY Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
> constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
> bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
> let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
> Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing
> elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The
> sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt
to
> the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the
> elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said
flabbergasted
> Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. with no one there to help him, he
lay
> under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
> during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
> accidents where "shit happens."
>
>
> * *
>
>
>
> ------ End of Forwarded Message
>
>