[SOC] at your ( Robert W.) Service

[Paul Bartlett]

Hi All,

I did some work for a company that produced voice-mail systems a few years
back.

I learnt that the best way of getting service was to be completely silent.
The call always reverts to a real hooman been.

The individuals who answered these calls were called in the trade "wetware";
i.e. a fallback that the hardware and software systems had failed to cater
for.

Still works (snigger!)

Paul ;-)

----- Original Message -----
From: "Bill Cunningham" <k4ksr at qsl.net>
To: "SOC1" <soc at mailman.qth.net>
Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 7:23 PM
Subject: [SOC] at your ( Robert W.) Service


> Finally got revenge on one of those *&#$^  computerized voice recognition
> phone answering systems that conspires to not help you.
>
> I had need to contact FEDEX to add recipient phone number to ticket on
> outgoing package.  Was told to dial 1-800 GOFEDEX and it would be easy.
>
> Was greeted by "speak your choice of following options."  There was no
> option to speak to a human, so I tried "tracking number."
>
> "Please say your tracking number."
> [I recited]
> "I'm sorry, that tracking number is not recognized.  Please enter a new
> number."
> [repeated number]
> "I'm sorry, that number is not recognized.  If you need help, say 'help'."
> [help]
> Response was a useless set of options with instruction to say choice.
> [bullshit]
> "If you need more help, say 'MORE help.'"
> [More help]
> Response was another useless set of options.
> [speak to  human]
> "If you need more help, say 'MORE Help.'"
> [Bullshit]
> "If you need more help, say 'MORE Help.'"
> [There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for
> gold.]
> "I do not understand."
> [The arctic trails have their secret tails that would make your blood run
> cold.]
> "I do not understand your response.  I will connect you to a service (****
> sic***) agent who will assist you."
>
> buzz, click
> "This is ---- How may I help you?"
>
> How sweet it is.  You just gotta know how to ask.
>
>
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