[SOC] at your ( Robert W.) Service

[Bill Cunningham]

Finally got revenge on one of those *&#$^  computerized voice recognition
phone answering systems that conspires to not help you.

I had need to contact FEDEX to add recipient phone number to ticket on
outgoing package.  Was told to dial 1-800 GOFEDEX and it would be easy.

Was greeted by "speak your choice of following options."  There was no
option to speak to a human, so I tried "tracking number."

"Please say your tracking number."
[I recited]
"I'm sorry, that tracking number is not recognized.  Please enter a new
number."
[repeated number]
"I'm sorry, that number is not recognized.  If you need help, say 'help'."
[help]
Response was a useless set of options with instruction to say choice.
[bullshit]
"If you need more help, say 'MORE help.'"
[More help]
Response was another useless set of options.
[speak to  human]
"If you need more help, say 'MORE Help.'"
[Bullshit]
"If you need more help, say 'MORE Help.'"
[There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for
gold.]
"I do not understand."
[The arctic trails have their secret tails that would make your blood run
cold.]
"I do not understand your response.  I will connect you to a service (****
sic***) agent who will assist you."

buzz, click
"This is ---- How may I help you?"

How sweet it is.  You just gotta know how to ask.