[SOC] Headlines - 2035

[Bob Nielsen]

> Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
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> White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
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>  Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.
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>  Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.
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> Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)
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> Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
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> Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
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> George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
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> Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
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> 35 year study:     Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
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> Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
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> Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
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> Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
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> New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
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> Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
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> Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
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> IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
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> Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.