[SOC] The best cat story

[Reicher, James]

The Best Cat Story...

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the
truth was too humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped
I would feel like coming in the next day. By then, I thought, I
could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's
wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new
acquisition was no problem but one morning after breakfast I was
taking my shower when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from
the kitchen. "Ed!! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I'm scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" (Pause.) "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So I came, dripping wet and buck naked. I crouched down and stuck
my head under the sink to find the button. That was the last
action I remember performing. I was struck without warning! Nay,
it wasn't electrical shock. It wasn't a disposal drawing me into
its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully
at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been
poised round the corner and had stalked me as I took my position
under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she
lept at the toys I had unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought when it came to controlling my bodily
movements. I rose up at a violent rate of speed, with the full
weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Raising
straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent. The
impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the
paramedics stood over me.

Having been fully briefed by my wife, the para
medics were trying to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical 
laughter.

At the office, my colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

If they had only known!!