[SOC] Some good words

[Claude - F5PBL]

Bonjour � tous,

Let's see how you will get this one ... Some SOC sentences received via mail
"here and there" by French City Halls.
Are these letters true or not ? Who cares ... But not sure the translation from
French towards English will keep the funny side of each case.

> -L'EDF a coup� des branches et m'a d�branch�
"EDF [Electricit� De France - French Electricity Supplier] has cut the [tree]
branches and has unpluged me".
There is a word game (?) btwn "branches" [tree branch] and the verb "d�brancher"
(to unplug).

"I do not want to worry you with my problems of  garbage can, but honnestly
speaking, it is not logical that the City services can not collect garbages like
my neighbour !"

"In the City Hall, you are all like Mitterrand, not doing a stroke of work all
day."

"It is of no use to set up activities for the olders since they are inactives"

"The Mayor is a real/whole mafia in himself alone !"

"My local taxes, I would like to see them in the street holes (pot-holes) and
not in your pocket !"

"I have always voted the good way, i.e. for the one who has been elected".

"The cemetery is in a really pity state and everyone who is living there thinks
the same way as I think !"

"The roof of the church has holes for 2 years and the Virgin (Mary) is always
wet ... Do something for here, please, Mister Mayor !"

"We are the French city where there is the more of unemployed people in the
world !"

"My local taxes, you are using them to offer yourself fireworks on 14th of
July".

"Your roadman, apart chatting with red wine glasses ... does not he have
anything else to do ?"

"Is there any possibility to move the 14th July ball on 15th of August ?"

"If the dead people could vote, it is clear that you would loose the elections
as you are not taking care of the cemetery..."

<<
 -Je suis sur que le maire se touche les dessous de table...
>>

This one is a good one but hard to translate. Something like "I am sure that the
Mayor is touching his parts under table".
"Dessous de table" means "unoficial money given during a transaction" /
baksheesh.
So the Mayor is receiving baksheesh but the sentence states that "the Mayor is
touching himself under the table".
BTW, do you know that in some Slavic languages (UA, LZ, YU), "baksheesh"
[bakshish] means "tip", the one given to a porter, a waitress or a barman, which
is official/legal ...

"I told it to your secretary : there is only 2 solutions : or you do it this
way, or there is not other solution ! "

"It was a public phone where one should use a phone-card and all the coins I
tried to use did not enter into the hole..."

"Your promises of sop seller who eats at every rack, I have heard them for
hundred years !"
"Sop seller" [marchand de soupe] means "seller who try to sell you products of
bad quality".
"To eat at every rack" means "to have two strings to one's bow" or "to have a
foot in both camps".

"Since you have been elected, the public phone cab is permanently out of
service"

"What are you talking about at the City Council meetings ? Abt what I am
interested in or abt stupidities like to rebuilt the road which is still in good
shape ?"

> -A la mairie vous �tes des moins que rien pour ne pas dire plus !
Oh la la .... Well, word game : "At the City hall, you are less than nothing
["men of no account"], not to say more !"

"We do not ask you so much but just to do a lot ..."

"Since you have bought a computer for the City Hall, it is no more possible to
doctor (?? "to modify in a non legal way") documents like you were doing
before".

"I have well received the City Newsbulletin and I am asking you : are you really
using our money to write such stupid things ?!"

"At the City Hall, you are considering me as a stupid one because I am poor, but
rich people are not more intelligent than me, just look at politicians."

"If one should shout so that you listen to him, be careful because I will start
speaking louder !!"

"To be elected as the Mayor is an easy task for you, because you are a beautiful
man and you are kissing all the women on the market place !".

"Yes, Monsieur the Mayor, you are responsible for all these dog cacks/excrements
in the streets, even if you are not producing them personnaly".

"You tell me that I must have a birth certificate in order to register, but I do
not need it because you have yourself given birth to me when I was born, you
remember that very well since by that time you were not yet the Mayor but the
doctor !"

"The speed-bumps [sleeping policemen] you have put in front of the school are
too high, and my wife "is jumped" 4 times a day".
Once agn a word game btwn "sauter" (to jump) and "se faire sauter" (to make sex,
but with some "difference", the YL is not the active part, but this is _not_ a
rape, let's say a passive act...).

"Because you have done the street not large enough, my neighbour has to do a lot
of maneuvering when he wants to enter his garage which is just by ours. And of
course, what should occurred have occured : one morning when for sure he was
drunk, he finaly succeded to enter into my wife. Quite an achievement !"

"You are the Mayor, i.e. like the Republic President of our city".

"If I were you, I would take care a bit more gently of all the women of the city
who do not have men at hand"

"The responsability for all the accidents I had is not mine but the one of the
roads I am using and which are not in good shape".

"If the Mayor is in charge of collecting the garbage, what do you want me to do
with my wife ?"

Da-dit-dah

Claude