[SOC] Tips for a Safe Halloween

[Rob Matherly]

Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy
Halloween.

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to
see if it's really dead.

2. NEVER read a book of demon summoning aloud, not even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, kill them immediately. It will save you a lot of
trouble in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds
to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with
somebody else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it
alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open the portals to
Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and
find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just get out!

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and
the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough
to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, multilevel marketing, and so on, kill them
immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small
town in Maine.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go
to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think
that it is strange because you thought you had � of a tank, shoot
yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely while
being eaten alive.

17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move in with the in laws. This applies to houses that had
previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or
had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

18. If you enter a house and a disembodied voice tells you to "GET
OUT," Listen to the helpful voice and leave.

19. Creepy old houses, campsites, or castles are never good places for
a party.

20. - Beware of strangers bearing strange tools, (i.e., chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn
mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices
made from their deceased previous companions).

21. If anyone offers you $1,000,000 if you just stay the night in a
house. Just leave and go buy a lottery ticket. Your chances of winning
the lottery are slightly higher then your chances of living through
the night.

22. Away wear Garlic to bed and have a wooden stake handily. Also have
the cross under you pillow. Steel neck collar would be idea.

-- 
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                 72-73-OO
              (W)(0)(J)(R)(M)
 Rob Matherly - Plano, Iowa - EN30ls
        http://www.qsl.net/w0jrm
AIM-w0jrm; ICQ-114690148; Y!-w0jrm
 ARRL -- FPqrp -330 -- IA QRP #143
       SOC #497 -- QRPp-I #19