[Scan-DC] The Top 10 Reasons Why Timmy Donahue (Nextel's CEO) Could Be South Of The Boarder.]

[iDEN-i100]

The Top 10 Reasons Why Timmy  Donahue (Nextel's CEO) Could Be South Of
The Boarder.

1) My calls have gone unanswered.

2) He missed Happy Hour at the "Fauquier Springs Country Club".

3) Timmy has been seen taking dance lessons at the "Havana Club".

4) Timmy tried to buy of 10,000 lbs of Jet Fuel on his Visa Card.

5) Timmy's resume is listed on "Monster Board" under Bi-Lingual CEO's.

6) He called his broker and brought 20,000 shares of  "Taco-Bell".

7) Timmy changed his name to "Rico Swavee".

8) Timmy switched from "Bud Lite" to "Cuervo"

9) Timmy was seen at Tyson Corners trying on "Ricky Martin" Jeans.

10) Nextel added a Dollar to Paso convertor in the i95cl



Richard Bomboy wrote:

> Band of Roving Chief Executives Spotted Miles from Mexican Border
>
>     SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Rooters) -- Unwilling to wait for their
> eventual
>     indictments, the 10,000 remaining CEOs of public U.S. companies
> made a
>     break    for it yesterday, heading for the Mexican border,
> plundering
> towns and
>     villages along the way, and writing the entire rampage off as a
>     marketing expense.
>
>     "They came into my home, made me pay for my own TV, then
> double-booked
>     the    revenues," said Rachel Sanchez of Las Cruces, just north of
> El Paso.
>     "Right in front of my daughters."
>
>     Calling themselves the CEOnistas, the chief executives were first
> spotted last
>     night along the Rio Grande River near Quemado, where they bought
> each
>     of the town's 320 residents by borrowing against pension fund
> gains.
>     By late this morning, the CEOnistas had arbitrarily inflated
> Quemado's
>     population to 960, and declared a 200 percent profit for the
> fiscal
>     second quarter.
>
>     This morning, the outlaws bought the city of Waco, transferred its
>
>     underperforming areas to a private partnership, and sent a bill to
>
>     California for $4.5 billion.
>
>     Law enforcement officials and disgruntled shareholders riding
> posse
>     were noticeably frustrated.
>
>     "First of all, they're very hard to find because they always stand
>
>     behind their numbers, and the numbers keep shifting," said posse
> spokesman
>     Dean Levitt. "And every time we yell 'Stop in the name of the
> shareholders!',
>     they refer us to investor relations. I've been on the phone all
> damn
> morning."
>
>     "YOU'LL NEVER AUDIT ME ALIVE!"
>
>     The pursuers said they have had some success, however, by preying
> on a
>     common executive weakness: media coverage. "Last night we caught
> about
>     24 of them by disguising one of our female officers as a CNN
> anchor," said
>     U.S. Border Patrol spokesperson Janet Lewis. "It was like moths to
> a
> flame."
>
>     Also, teams of agents have been using high-powered listening
> devices to
> scan
>     the plains for telltale sounds of the CEOnistas. "Most of the time
> we
> just hear
>     leaves rustling or cattle flicking their tails," said Lewis, "but
> occasionally we'll
>     pick up a campfire conversation saying, 'I was totally out of the
> loop
> on that.'"
>
>     Among former and current CEOs apprehended with this method were
> Computer
>     Associates' Sanjay Kumar, Adelphia's John Rigas, Enron's Ken Lay,
> Joseph
>     Nacchio of Qwest, Joseph Berardino of Arthur Andersen, and every
> Global
>     Crossing CEO since 1997. ImClone Systems' Sam Waksal and Dennis
>     Kozlowski of Tyco were not allowed to join the CEOnistas as they
> have
> already
>     been indicted.
>
>     So far, about 50 chief executives have been captured, including
> Martha
>     Stewart, who was detained south of El Paso where she had cut
> through a
>     barbed-wire fence and made some lovely wreaths at the Zaragosa
> border
>     crossing off Highway 375.
>
>     "She would have gotten away, but she was stopping motorists and
> doing a
>     lively trade. Border Patrol officer    Jennette Cushing. "We put
> her in
> cell
>     No. 7, because the morning sun really adds texture to the stucco
> walls."
>
>     While some stragglers are believed to have successfully crossed
> into
>     Mexico, Cushing said the bulk of the CEOnistas have holed
> themselves up
> at the
>     Alamo. "No, not the fort, the car rental place at the airport,"
> she said.
>     "They're rotating all the tires on the minivans and accounting for
> each
>     change as a sale

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