[Qcwa] [Fwd: Old Guys]

[Bob West]

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: 	Old Guys
Date: 	Thu, 17 Jun 2004 10:59:27 -0700

     If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those
     responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York
     City and Washington, DC But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces
     say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35
     to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead
     of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.

     You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters:

     Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
     guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
     that 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

     Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
     soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll
     complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
     "Where's the remote control?"

     An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to
     war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average
     old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by
     the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack
     and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

     An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up
     early every morning to pee.

     If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
     probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial
     number would be a real brainteaser.

     Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to
     getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food.
     We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We
     like them almost better than naps.

     They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in
     combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over
     the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic
     training.  I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give
     me...er...one."

     And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen
     anyone outrun a bullet.

     An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning
     to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants
     without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts
     sticking out.  He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue
     catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat
     of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep
     our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending
     them off to possible death.

     Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked
     our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to
     see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

     Share this with your senior friends  (It's purposely in big type for
     us old guys...)


-- 

73,
Bob WA8YCD

=============================================================
Bob West   WA8YCD                mailto:wa8ycd at arrl.net
883 Goshen Road                  http://www.wa8ycd.net
Morgantown WV 26508-2436         Monongalia County FM09an
=============================================================