[Qcwa] Holiday jokes

[W2AGN]

On 22 Dec 2002 at 22:10, Robert Harvey wrote:

> Boy, I sure am enjoying these.  Keep them coming!
> 
> I just wish they were not so close to the truth.
> 
> Merry Christmas to all.
> 
> Bob, K2PI

OK, you asked for it.

Interesting to see our DoD (Department of Defense) and Government in 
action...



 The President has authorized the Department of Defense to assist Santa 
with the Twelve Days of Christmas. Status of acquisitions follows:



 Day 1 - Partridge in a pear tree: The Army and Air Force are in the 
process of deciding whose area of responsibility Day 1 falls under. Since 

the partridge is a bird, the Air Force believes it should have the lead.

 The Army, however, feels trees are part of the land component command's 
area of responsibility. After three months of discussion and repeated 
OpsDeps tank sessions, a $1M study has been commissioned to decide who 
should lead this joint program.



 Day 2 - Two turtle doves: Since doves are birds, the Air Force claims 
responsibility. However, turtles are amphibious, so the Navy-Marine Corps 

team feels it should take the lead. Initial studies have shown that
 turtles and doves may have interoperability problems. Terms of 
refererence 
are being coordinated for a four-year, $10M DARPA study.



 Day 3 - Three French Hens: At State Department instigation, the Senate 
Committee on Foreign Affairs has blocked off-shore purchase of hens, from 

the French or anyone else. A $6M program is being developed to find an 
acceptable domestic alternative.



 Day 4 - Four Calling Birds: Source selection has been completed, with 
the 
contract awarded to MCI/WORLDCOM. However, the award is being challenged 
by 
several small disadvantaged businesses.



 Day 5 - Five Golden Rings: No available rings meet MILSPEC for gold 
plating. A three-year, $5M accelerated development program was initiated.



 Day 6 - Six Geese a-Laying: The six geese were acquired. However, the 
shells of their eggs seem to be very fragile. It might have been a 
mistake 
to build the production facility on a nuclear waste dump at former Air 
Force base, closed under BRAC.



 Day 7 - Seven Swans a-Swimming: Fourteen swans have been killed trying 
to 
get through the Navy SEAL training program. The program has been put on 
hold while the training procedures are reviewed to determine why the 
washout rate is so high.



 Day 8 - Eight Maids a-milking: The entire class of maids a milking 
training program at Aberdeen is involved in a sexual harassment lawsuit 
against the Army. The program was put on hold pending resolution of the 
lawsuit.



 Day 9 - Nine Ladies Dancing: Recruitment of the ladies dancing was 
halted 
by a lawsuit from the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Association." Members claim 
they have a right to dance and wear women's clothing as long as they're 
off 
duty.



 Day 10 - Ten Lords a-Leaping: The ten lords have been abducted by 
terrorists. Congress has approved $2M in funding to conduct a rescue 
operation. Army Special Forces and a USMC MEU(SOC) are conducting a 
"NEO-off" competition for the right to rescue.



 Day 11 - Eleven Pipers Piping: The pipe contractor delivered the pipes 
on 
time. However, he thought DoD wanted smoking pipes. DoD lost the claim 
due 
to defective specifications. A $22M dollar retrofit program is in process 

to bring the pipes into specification.



 Day 12 - Twelve Drummers Drumming: Due to cutbacks only six billets are 
available for drumming drummers. DoD is in the process of coordinating a 
proposal to obtain the six additional drummers by outsourcing; however, 
funding will not be available until FY 05.



 As a result of the above-mentioned programmatic delays, and due to a 
high 
OPTEMPO that requires diversion of modernization funds to support current 

readiness, Christmas is hereby postponed until further notice.


---
+-++-++-++-++-+   John L. Sielke
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