[Milsurplus] There was a ham

[Jim Whartenby]

Received this ditty from John Dilks, K2TQN, on another QTH group.
Happy New Year,
Jim

   There was a ham with a cubical quad,
   He had five hundred watts and a ground in the sod.
   One night he was listening in the eighty meter band,
   When he heard a rare station way down in Congo land.
   He switched on his transmitter and reach for the key,
   Then pounded out his call letters as fast as could be.
   The ham in the Congo said his readability was four,
   And told him to keep on sending some more.
   When he finally wound up that QSO,
   The fuse in his final was about to blow.
    I turned the knob and current flowed,
   The filaments within now glowed.
   I listened for those waves of short,
   From foreign land, the air and port.
   But what was this, a rising hum?
   It louder grew and drowned all fun.

   I pulled the cord and sniffed for smoke,
   Those roasted bugs were not a joke!
   I pulled the tubes and checked each one,
   And looked around for grounds undone.
   Electrolytics oozing goo,
   Resistors toasted black and blue.
   Insulation all dried and loose,
   No holiday for this old Goose!

   A cathode short or cap that fried,
   The coil hummed Taps and then it died.
   The knobs were loose, shafts warped with age,
   Missing was the schematic page!
   Dial cord was frayed, the pointer bent,
   The dial lamp filament was spent.
   The chassis dark with flecks of rust,
   But fix this rig I knew I must.

   To Internet i went with haste,
   To find some help, then cut and paste.
   With solder warm and tester hot,
   I searched my junk for parts forgot.
   With luck and coffee by the dawn,
   That blasted hum would all be gone!
   And then with eyes all red like beets,
   I'll turn that knob and mock defeat.

   Now some may think this really dumb,
   But solid state is just no fun!
   There's nothing like that magic glow,
   That comes from vacuum radio.
   So when your Halli hums so strong,
   Be sure to smile and hum along!



   Note from author W8DBF:  I got an A for this silly poem about amateur
   radio for my tenth grade English class.