[Milsurplus] Them Dasterdly Dealers.

[David Stinson]

In May of 2000,  I was in a little usenet  tussle,
a thread where some fellows tarred all us 
"greedy profiteering dealers."
Someone else asked:
"How do you find radios?"
I couldn't resist, and wrote this.
I post it here just for fun:
------------------------------------

> >How do you find radios? 

I was taught everything I know by some 
great old masters in the radio finding arts. 

First, I don my black coat, top hat and cloak. 
Then, I wax my handlebar mustache and
check the obits for fresh widows, 
twirling my mustache and going:
 "Bwaaaa HAAA HAAA HAAAA." 
I look at  the mirror to make sure my demonic, 
hypnotic "Talk'em Down" powers are still working. 
A dab of hair oil to provide "slickness," 
and I'm ready for my first victim... I mean client. 

Widows and orphans being kicked out on the street for 
not paying the outrageous property taxes are good ones. 
I just follow the marshal around. 
  "Madame- I know you are in a desperate situation, 
   but this Zenith Walton is only worth about $25. 
   Out of the goodness of my heart, and for the sake 
   of my late, sainted mother, I'll pay you $30. 
    No need to thank me." 

I dash home and place the tired old Zenith on my bench.
Brushing aside my black cat familiar, 
I rub my hands with glee and keen: 
   "The fools! Soon their hard-earned money 
    will be mine- All MINE!  
    BWWWWAAAA HAAAA HAAAAA." 
   (Thunder usually rumbles about this time). 
   (Can you tell I like this laugh?) 

I replace the real knobs with replacements 
carved from balsa wood and painted with crayons. 
A little chewing gum holds loose veneer down 
long enough for the pictures. 
I pour a whole bottle of "Shine'em Up" on the cabinet 
and put a flashlight in the back so it looks like the 
pilot lights actually work.  Sometimes, if I'm 
feeling really generous, I might even leave the tubes in it 
(who says I don't have a heart, eh?). 
Then I get out my trusty, handy-dandy 
"Evil Ebay Auto-Gouge'em" software. 

Shoot a few photos, click a few keys, and:

    "RARE- MINT- ZENITH RADIO-  MINT- RARE!" 

with an opening bid of $999.99 hits the auction. 
Then I wait for the zillions of bucks to flow in 
that pay for my condo on the French Riviera. 

Ain't life grand? 
  BWAAA HAA HAAAA (rumble rumble thunder...) 

Snidley Dave