[Milsurplus] OT: Military Humor

[J Forster]

Subject:         Fw: Military Humor
   Date:         Mon, 14 May 2007 20:33:32 -0400

Military Humor
>
>Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.

>After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
>window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently,: in a loud
voice,
>"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
>surgeons."
>
>After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
>lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married,
two
>sons, both Judges."
>
>After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
>himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Gunnery
>Sergeant,  United States Marines, retired. Never married, two sons,
both
>Admirals.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
>back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
>colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as
he
>pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
>him the keys, "Yours is."
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>  Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
>sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of
his
>new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman
>to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him
>this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank

>you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
>impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing
>important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your
>telephone."
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
>Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
>Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!
>Do you have change for a dollar?"
>Soldier: "No, SIR!"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
>A: He'll tell you.
>
>
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
>A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a general were sitting in the
>barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves,
when
>the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces The
>general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think
>I've been in a whorehouse!" The sergeant turned to his barber and said,

>"Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
>whorehouse smells like."
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, "I
>suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
>for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave." "Not me, Chief!"
the
>seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand
in
>line again!"