[Lowfer] dot3 purchase request!

[Mike Staines]

In re:
                                          }
Mike Staines dba "All that static, Inc.,  }     Good Guy
                                          }

                                                V.
                                          }
Bill Ashlock (AKA "The White Haired One") }
John Andrews (AKA "That broadcast guy")   }     Perpetrators
Jay Russgrove (AKA "VD - Not just a call")}
et al...                                  }

Gentlemen:

Your little squabble  has been brought to my attention that you have
attempted to buy/sell/swap the ownership/interest/rights in a certain band
of radio frequencies.

It is not my intention to comment upon, influence, or otherwise cast
judgment on this silly scam. I must point out, however, that the outcome of
this will have a direct impact on my global business.

I am an inventor. Among may of may patents that you might be familiar with,
I hold the patent for the concept that Electricity is actually common smoke
encased in parts (what happens when a part breaks? The smoke escapes and the
equipment stops working). I own the patent for that little bird that keeps
bobbing it's head into the water. But it is not these patents that you are
violating.

Please allow me to elaborate. I am the holder of US Patent No. 185666 which
grants me exclusive rights to create and broadcast static. I have had to
work with every administration in every country in order to secure the
rights to generate static globally. It should be clear to you technical
types that when you generate your beacon signals you "step on" the static
that would normally be present. In fact, I understand that some of the so
called "Lowfers" that try to receive your signals actually take drastic
steps to REMOVE the static that we lovingly generate.

As you might understand, this is an expensive undertaking. Do you know what
it costs to send broadband static into space so it could reflect off of
Jupiter? It don't come cheap! And what about our static generating facility?
Just think about what it costs to house, power and maintain 3.7 billion
Hover canister vacuum cleaners in a dust free environment!

Clearly, we have a right to recoup our investment.

As long as you guys operate outside law and regulation I concede that
litigation will be difficult. But once one of you "owns" a slice of
bandwidth, I will exercise my right to be reimbursed for the static that you
are destroying.

Let's be rational. The world needs static. Without static, how would anyone
know if an antenna is connected or not? Without static, how would we know to
get off the couch, turn off the TV, and go to bed? Without static... well, I
think you "hear my noise".

Regards,
Mike Staines
President and CSO
AllThatStatic, Inc. LLP.

cc:
Attorney Howie Skruem, Esq.