[Boatanchors] A World Without Ham Radio

[Duane Fischer, W8DBF]

Hi All, (Even those with evil twins as set forth by Michael T.)

What followed me to this computer is a glow in the dark tale that is safe to 
read without first donning a radiation proof pair of Fruit Of The Loins and 
matching NASA approved Gamma Burst + Cosmic particle collision + solar RAD 
readings higher then your record high score playing Donkey Pong + lunar 
lyposuction levitation and a Martian melt down when the microwave vaporizes 
a fuse and turns the Swiss Steak into some ground meat in a can that your 
resident childhood canine refused to eat!

There is a lot of real and fascinating history when it comes to our 
fantastic hobby of Amateur Radio. The list of Who Was Who, mostly SK (or 
deceased for the Hams under fifty who have yet to plant flowers around the 
base of their recentally horizontal Ham friends Vertical or fifty feet up 
the submerged in concrete 25g tower), and this world would not be populated 
with any creatures - big or tiny, smart or as dense as Lead, fast or slower 
then a teenage male hearing the word "work", over the hill - but ride that 
Harley for the thrill guys who can still do a ten yard cold start sprint to 
the beer cooler when someone yells "Cold Beer!" and all of us who can still 
push and shove and fling elbows in the bifocals as we try to be first at the 
tailgate party to bag that Masonic Temple jumbo mug full of half watt 
resistors that someone added a competition orange metal flake tolerance band 
to!

Where would we be without Ham Radio? Some of us still married! Some of us 
with a lot less debt and much more cash in the old Piggy Bank! And all of us 
miserable with no propagation to whine and blubber about, no DX more distant 
then the adjacent states border, no weekend Contests QRM to gripe about and 
no Ham Fests to socialize at with our vacuum tube buddies and Sky Watch and 
Warn WX Nets to get on the landline and warn our relatives about. Frankly, 
most of us would be totally lost without Amateur Radio! So keep that glow 
going guys and check out some of the Ham Radio verse below and on the HHI 
web site!

Long live Ham Radio!

                   And Nobody Knows But Me


                                  By, Duane B. Fischer, W8DBF


There is a place of velvet black,
Where darkness rules and lights denied.
The probing fingers feel the mark,
The seller said it worked, he lied?
And nobody knows but me.

A feeble glow lights up the room,
A hissing sound soon fills the air.
One short could spell a certain doom,
You spin the knob with loving care.
And nobody knows but me.

A crackle from the speaker leaps,
A signal flutters in the wind.
The smell of something burning seeps,
Some EBAY guilt, for all have sinned.
And nobody knows but me.

With trembling hand you pull the plug,
Scorched insulation burns your eyes.
A molten metal tuning slug,
As color codes curl up and die.
And nobody knows but me.

A vacuum tube explodes with light,
And voltage arcs to waiting hands.
Resistors pop with all their mite,
And I.F.'s bulge within their cans.
And nobody knows but me.

A knob falls off and hits the floor,
Capacitors pop like seed corn.
You duck a coil that strikes the door,
Wiring hangs from where its now torn.
And nobody knows but me.

The fuse explodes and hits the fan,
Transformers glow a cherry red.
The Chassis turns a sickening tan,
As wire fragments strike your head.
And nobody knows but me.

The Halli glow fades out to dark,
The smoke detector screams Alert!
This EBAY bargan left its mark,
A nightmare from a vintage dream.
And nobody knows but me.

Through open window goes your prize,
The snowflakes sizzle as it sinks.
Another relic meets demise,
Sometimes the past can really stink!
And nobody knows but me.

You'll try again, of this you're sure,
Nothing quite like a boat anchor.
Perhaps your wife would like a fur,
There must be some way to thank her.
And nobody knows but me.

Her house is smoked like roasted fowl,
The morning may find you packing.
So hide the checkbook coos the Owl,
Right now no more circuit tracking!
And nobody knows but me.

And who am I you kindly ask,
While wind moans through attic rafters.
As moonlight shines across my mask,
I am the ghost of Hallicrafters.


Original: Friday November 15, 2002





Duane Fischer, W8DBF - WPE8CXO
E-Mail: dfischer at usol.com
Hallicrafters web site: www.w9wze.net
HHRP web site: hhrp.w9wze.net