[TheForge] Testing...ot Maine Coons revisited

[Michael H. Murphy]

Man, you gotta get these things down in writing for posterity.  I have lived
with cats on and off for many years, although never with a Maine Coon.  I
know your story is true; no one could make up one like that.

Thanks

Murf

> -----Original Message-----
> From: theforge-bounces at mailman.qth.net [mailto:theforge-
> bounces at mailman.qth.net] On Behalf Of Grover Richardson
> Sent: Thursday, June 03, 2004 2:44 PM
> To: munlaw2 at hcsmail.com; 'Sponsored by ABANA'
> Subject: RE: [TheForge] Testing...ot Maine Coons revisited
> 
> Nope.  The wife picked him up and stood on the scales.  Of course the wife
> won't let me see the before and after, she's a bit overweight, and
> sensitive
> about her weight.  But then she was sensitive back when she was 105
> holding
> a purse full of water<G>.
> 
> He is a bunch of hair I will admit.  Sounds like one of the children sick
> when he hacks up a hairball.
> 
> The boy child was visiting with his new wife a while back.  She kicks her
> feet in her sleep.  Well Mr. Cat just loved the new game.
> 
> 	In addition::::::::::
> 	One day while I was removing excess facial hair, I noticed that the
> new kitten was wandering around near the porcelain thrown
> (pun intended).  And since she apparently decided my actions curious, the
> kitten decided to get a bit closer to me, in order to better view my task.
> 	Well the cat attempted to jump up... and over... and onto the lid of
> the toilet.
> 	Well now, the cat obviously could not discriminate between the
> visual effect of lid up....and lid down!  It also had the simultaneous
> problem of not being able to discriminate between seat up....and seat
> down!
> 	The cat went kersplosh....
> 	Now the cat, at the moment of apogee (I think that means highest
> point of the parabolic arc), realized the error of it's ways, and
> immediately did it's best imitation of a bird.......it didn't work.....
> 	So as the cat careened and arced over the edge of the bowl in the
> undesired attempt of a watery landing, it was making wild flapping sounds
> with all of it's extremities   yes I heard them.
> 	The cat hit the water.  It was obviously mortally offended... in
> that it made the most gosh awful siamese yowl sound that I have ever
> heard.
> 	After the cat had swum around in the grey water (some parts a bit
> darker than others-you see we didn't want to flush at that time for fear
> of
> waking up the one year old) for a while, it finally got purchase and
> ejected
> itself from the toilet bowl..... straight up.
> 	Well, we all know from high school days, and from the laws of
> physics; that what goes up-must come down.  And we all know....... that
> what
> goes straight up...... goes straight down.  The cat learned and fully
> understood the meaning of that law while it was at apogee.
> 	And so... while the cat once again dropped into the cold jaws of
> excretion...it once again did it's best imitation of a bird....to no
> avail.
> 	Now all this time, I was immensely enjoying this particular variety
> of cat self-abuse.  It was all I could do to not wet myself... or cut
> myself!
> 	And so... the cat finally managed to eject itself out of the "bath"
> in a sideways movement..... only thing, the cat came toward me.... and the
> bathroom sink.
> 	In our bathroom, we have the un-patented "plenty o paper" toilet
> paper management theme.
> 	You see, the wife finds it desirous to use the kind of paper that
> disintegrates spontaneously at the most careless touch.
> 	And me, I like to use the kind of paper that you could use to strap
> motorcycles to trailers for long trips.
> 	So when we built this house, we put in two paper holders to keep us
> both happy.
> 	.....well, the cat landed  sort of  on the paper rollers....both of
> them.......while the front pair of legs was going thruuum thruuuum thruuum
> on the top roll and running off paper and tearing it into tiny
> shreds....the
> rear pair of legs were going burrrrrr burrrr burrrrrrn on the lower roll
> and
> running off paper at a prodigious rate.
> 	Finally mean old mister gravity got aholt of the cat and threw her
> on the floor.
> 	Now cats are kool!! They know best how to stand around and look
> innocent when something untoward has happened.  This kitten apparently had
> that act ingrained in it's psyche before birth.... so it sat there like
> nothing at all happened.... and licked itself clean (yuck!! people say
> that
> cats are clean   they obviously never ate a can of fish and then licked
> themselves all over)!!
> 	After a few moments, the cat noticed that there was an observer to
> this untoward and wanton act of uncleanliness.... me....  So in an attempt
> to make amends......  The cat scampered over, with all the love in it's
> small tender heart, just to ask forgiveness for it's transgressions.  By
> rubbing on my legs!!
> 	At this time the wife wandered in to see what the ruckus was all
> about..... just in time to see me dancing to get away from the cat.
> 	You see, I knew where the cat had been....the cat obviously didn't
> care.
> 	Years after this event, the wife still embarrasses me in public,
> that I'll dance with the cat, but not with her.
> 
> 
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