[TheForge] Testing...ot Maine Coons revisited

[Grover Richardson]

Nope.  The wife picked him up and stood on the scales.  Of course the wife
won't let me see the before and after, she's a bit overweight, and sensitive
about her weight.  But then she was sensitive back when she was 105 holding
a purse full of water<G>.

He is a bunch of hair I will admit.  Sounds like one of the children sick
when he hacks up a hairball.

The boy child was visiting with his new wife a while back.  She kicks her
feet in her sleep.  Well Mr. Cat just loved the new game.

	In addition::::::::::
	One day while I was removing excess facial hair, I noticed that the
new kitten was wandering around near the porcelain thrown
(pun intended).  And since she apparently decided my actions curious, the
kitten decided to get a bit closer to me, in order to better view my task.
	Well the cat attempted to jump up... and over... and onto the lid of
the toilet.
	Well now, the cat obviously could not discriminate between the
visual effect of lid up....and lid down!  It also had the simultaneous
problem of not being able to discriminate between seat up....and seat down!
	The cat went kersplosh....
	Now the cat, at the moment of apogee (I think that means highest
point of the parabolic arc), realized the error of it's ways, and
immediately did it's best imitation of a bird.......it didn't work.....
	So as the cat careened and arced over the edge of the bowl in the
undesired attempt of a watery landing, it was making wild flapping sounds
with all of it's extremities   yes I heard them.
	The cat hit the water.  It was obviously mortally offended... in
that it made the most gosh awful siamese yowl sound that I have ever heard.
	After the cat had swum around in the grey water (some parts a bit
darker than others-you see we didn't want to flush at that time for fear of
waking up the one year old) for a while, it finally got purchase and ejected
itself from the toilet bowl..... straight up.
	Well, we all know from high school days, and from the laws of
physics; that what goes up-must come down.  And we all know....... that what
goes straight up...... goes straight down.  The cat learned and fully
understood the meaning of that law while it was at apogee. 
	And so... while the cat once again dropped into the cold jaws of
excretion...it once again did it's best imitation of a bird....to no avail.
	Now all this time, I was immensely enjoying this particular variety
of cat self-abuse.  It was all I could do to not wet myself... or cut
myself!
	And so... the cat finally managed to eject itself out of the "bath"
in a sideways movement..... only thing, the cat came toward me.... and the
bathroom sink.
	In our bathroom, we have the un-patented "plenty o paper" toilet
paper management theme.
	You see, the wife finds it desirous to use the kind of paper that
disintegrates spontaneously at the most careless touch.
	And me, I like to use the kind of paper that you could use to strap
motorcycles to trailers for long trips.
	So when we built this house, we put in two paper holders to keep us
both happy.
	.....well, the cat landed  sort of  on the paper rollers....both of
them.......while the front pair of legs was going thruuum thruuuum thruuum
on the top roll and running off paper and tearing it into tiny shreds....the
rear pair of legs were going burrrrrr burrrr burrrrrrn on the lower roll and
running off paper at a prodigious rate.
	Finally mean old mister gravity got aholt of the cat and threw her
on the floor.
	Now cats are kool!! They know best how to stand around and look
innocent when something untoward has happened.  This kitten apparently had
that act ingrained in it's psyche before birth.... so it sat there like
nothing at all happened.... and licked itself clean (yuck!! people say that
cats are clean   they obviously never ate a can of fish and then licked
themselves all over)!!
	After a few moments, the cat noticed that there was an observer to
this untoward and wanton act of uncleanliness.... me....  So in an attempt
to make amends......  The cat scampered over, with all the love in it's
small tender heart, just to ask forgiveness for it's transgressions.  By
rubbing on my legs!!
	At this time the wife wandered in to see what the ruckus was all
about..... just in time to see me dancing to get away from the cat.
	You see, I knew where the cat had been....the cat obviously didn't
care.
	Years after this event, the wife still embarrasses me in public,
that I'll dance with the cat, but not with her.