[TheForge] Fwd: Words Women Use...

[Bruce Freeman]

OK, gentlemen, lissen up... this IS IMPORTANT!  

>The following words and expressions are defined as follows:  
>
>FINE - This is the word women use to and an argument when they feel
they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how
a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. 
>
>FIVE MINUTES - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so it's an even trade. 
>
>NOTHING - This means "something," and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting
to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually
signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the
word "Fine." 
>
>GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result
in a woman getting upset over "Nothing," and will end with the word
"Fine." 
>
>GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care." "You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in
just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine," and she will talk
to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. 
>
>LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an
idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over "Nothing." 
>
>SOFT SIGH - Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs"
mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and
she will remain content. 
>
>THAT'S OKAY - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have
done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in
conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow  >Go Ahead." At some point in the
near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. 
>
>PLEASE DO - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for
doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay." 
>
>THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're
welcome. 
>
>THANKS A LOT - This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that
you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the
"Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh,"
as she will only tell you "Nothing. 
>
>Don't say you have not been "informed" (meaning: warned)
>
>Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they
can avoid if they remember the terminology. 
>