[SOC] Exam !!

[Allan Glasdam]

The  following questions were set in last year's GCSE  examination in 
Swindon,Wiltshire,UK.
These  are genuine answers (from 16 year  olds)

Q.  Name the four seasons
A.  Salt, pepper, mustard and  vinegar

Q.  Explain one of the processes by which water can be made  safe to drink
A.  Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes  large 
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and  canoeists

Q.  How is dew formed
A.  The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them  perspire

Q.  What causes the tides in the oceans
A.  The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon.  All water 
tends to flow towards the moon, because  there is no water on the moon, 
     and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun  joins the fight

Q.  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist  on
A.  If you are buying a house they will insist that you are  well endowed

Q.  In a democratic society, how important are  elections
A.  Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an  election

Q.  What are steroids
A.  Things for keeping carpets still on the  stairs            (Shoot 
yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.  What happens to your body as you  age
A.  When you get old, so do your bowels and you get  intercontinental

Q.  What happens to a boy when he reaches  puberty
A.  He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his  adultery 
         (So  true)

Q.  Name a major disease associated with  cigarettes
A.  Premature death

Q.  What is artificial insemination
A.  When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the  cow

Q.  How can you delay milk turning sour
A.  Keep it in the  cow                                      (Simple, 
but brilliant)

Q.  How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g.  The abdomen)
A.  The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the  borax and 
the abdominal cavity. The brainium  contains the brain, the borax 
contains the heart  and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five 
  bowels: A, E, I, O  and U                         (What  the *!!*???)

Q.  What is the fibula?
A.  A small lie

Q.  What does 'varicose' mean?
A.  Nearby

Q.  What is the most common form of birth  control
A.  Most people prevent contraception by wearing a  condominium   (That 
  would work)

Q.  Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean  section'
A.  The caesarean section is a district in  Rome

Q.  What is a seizure?
A.  A Roman  Emperor.         (Julius  Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q.  What is a terminal illness
A.  When you are sick at the  airport.       (Irrefutable)

Q.  Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic  feature?
A.  Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look  like umbrellas

Q.  Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you  understand its 
meaning
A.  Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. 
          (OMG)

Q.  What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.  Benign is what you will be after you be  eight

Q.  What is a turbine?
A.  Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his  head


72 or 73 or f....

OZ8A, Allan