[SOC] Christmas Letter

[BP]

Jimmy writes a Christmas Letter

Dear Santa,
How are you?  How is Mrs. Claus?  I hope everyone, from the reindeer to 
the elves, is fine.  I have been a very good boy this year.  I would 
like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas.  I 
hope you remember that come Christmas Day.  Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
* *

Dear Jimmy,
Thank you for you letter.  Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are 
all fine and thank you for asking about them.  Santa is a little worried 
all the time you spend playing video games and texting.  Santa wouldn’t 
want you to get fat.  Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think 
I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus***
* *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you 
I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for.  I certainly wouldn’t want to turn 
this joyous season into one of litigation.  Also, don’t you think that a 
jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year 
is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
* *

Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I 
remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
a guarantee of services provided.  Should you wish to pursue legal 
action, well that is your right.  Please know, however, that my 
attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister 
Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in 
open court.  Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only 
improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially 
help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King 
fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* *

Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it.  I was attempting 
to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into 
this.  Now you just be disrespecting me.  I’m about to tweet my boys
and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game 
console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want.  WHAT EVER I WANT, 
MAN!
T-Bone
* *

Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously???  You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world 
on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? 
“He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”.  Sound 
familiar, genius?  You know what kind of resources I have at my 
disposal.  I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and 
see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw 
up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. 
  You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your 
crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry.  Chew on 
that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *

Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit.  I’ll appreciate anything.
Jimmy


-- 
73,     Bob Patten, N4BP                Plantation, FL

E-Mail :   n4bp at arrl.net                Website: http://www.qsl.net/n4bp
SOC #1          ARS #799                QRP ARCI #3412       FISTS #7871
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