[SOC] Joke of the Day

[Bob Patten]

 From "Our Lighter Side": 
http://ourlighterside.com/category/our-lighter-side/
(Caution, "R" rated)

MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was 
having sex…
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s 
status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any 
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then 
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and 
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother 
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 
‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!’

TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the 
preacher’s hand. He said, ‘Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned 
fine sermon. Damned good!’
The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’
The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five 
thousand dollars in the offering plate!’
The preacher said, ‘No shit?’

WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel 
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather 
small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, ‘Just feed 
him pancakes. That should solve the problem.’
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large 
stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
‘Gee, Mom,’ he exclaimed. ‘For me?’
‘Just take two,’ Brenda replied. ‘The rest are for your father.’

THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 
92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and 
ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, 
killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of 
murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
‘Your Honor,’ she began coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could 
screw, he could fly.’

FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put 
into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, 
years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. 
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and 
none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our 
drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous 
of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me 
what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after 
eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row 
raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’

SATURDAY

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country 
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old 
blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful 
sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently 
to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very 
first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy 
girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked 
over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I 
lied about my age’, Bob replies. ‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’
Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’

SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As 
they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the 
process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She 
showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
‘These’ she explained, ‘Are the older goats put out to pasture when they 
no longer produce.’ She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your 
old goats?’
A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours!
________________________

-- 
73,     Bob Patten, N4BP                Plantation, FL

E-Mail :   n4bp at arrl.net                Website: http://www.qsl.net/n4bp
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