[SOC] The lawnmower and the electric fence

Fri Jul 30 13:18:25 EDT 2010

No "YOU TUBE" for me. It is way to advanced and complicated for me. Besides,
I have no idea how to upload 16mm film from my old Bell & Howell camera.

Curt

On Fri, Jul 30, 2010 at 9:51 AM, <peteclough at aol.com> wrote:

>
> Perfect S O C.. example there Brother Curt..
> I think that would make an excellent "YOU TUBE" video entry.
> Now that you have rehearsed it. set yourself up with a good video camera
> on a tripod and do it again. When you (if you) recover  post it. be sure
> and tell this list so we could view it.
> {Pete C
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Curt Steger <csteger515 at gmail.com>
> To: Second Class Operators' Club <soc at mailman.qth.net>
> Sent: Fri, Jul 30, 2010 12:32 pm
> Subject: [SOC] The lawnmower and the electric fence
>
>
> We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I
> heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make
> sure this
> never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along
> the top of the fence.
>
> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26
> miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet
> into the
> ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground,
> the
> better the fence works.
>
> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel
> push
> mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact
> that I
> unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down
> to grab it, to throw it out of the way.
>
> It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
>
> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and
> the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is
> about the
> size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on
> the cover.
>
> Time stood still.
>
> The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of
> my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition
> firing
> in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over,
> I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.
>
> It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were
> fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
>
> Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to
> differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3
> different times in less
> than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time
> is
> creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap
> your
> pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality
> it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy
> turning 8 grand.
>
> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the
> fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go.
> I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always
> had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were
> like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.
>
> This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting
> signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this
> point
> I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the
> lawnmower runs out of gas.
>
> 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
>
> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping
> run
> pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in
> poop, pee,
> and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze
> die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and
> remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go
> command from its owner's right foot.
>
> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in
> my own backyard , begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day ....
> he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own
> stupidity had created.
>
> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....
>
> I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me,
> out
> of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
>
> There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then
> another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the
> ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the
> resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
>
> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
>
> 1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
>
> 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek
> (not
> the left, just the right).
>
> 3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as
> you
> might think.
>
> 4 - My left eye will not open.
>
> 5 - My right eye will not close.
>
> 6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little
> session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better
> than new
> after that.
>
> 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
>
> 8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the
> number 4 (still don't understand this???).
>
> That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I
> appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make
> sure the fence is
> unplugged before I mow.
>
> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can
> clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me
> a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check
> before I mow.
>
>
>
> Curt NA7CS
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