[SOC] FW: [GCFL.net] Technical Night Before Christmas

[Spencer Sholly]

 > 
> Technical Night Before Christmas
> 
> 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' as written by a technical
> writer for a firm that does Gov't contracting...
> 
> 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding
> the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of
> residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
> possessors of this potential, including that species of
> domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was
> meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood
> burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
> pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
> philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the
> honorific title of St. Nicholas.
> 
> The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
> respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing
> subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit
> confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My
> conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
> coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the
> hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion
> of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance
> that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place
> of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source
> thereof.
> 
> Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
> sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
> brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a
> recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival
> that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my
> incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature
> airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive
> specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
> aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became
> instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated
> caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at what
> may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than
> patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled
> breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed
> each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
> Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the
> uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which
> structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of
> each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
> 
> As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and
> was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished
> visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward
> leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad
> entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
> oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on
> the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I
> attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings
> which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
> 
> His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while
> his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of
> engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions
> and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which
> suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating
> the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of
> the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and
> supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop
> knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared
> like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
> 
> Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece
> whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his
> occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of
> holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he
> waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
> undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a
> hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor
> less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical
> perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite
> every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering
> and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly
> to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was
> groundless.
> 
> Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling
> the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the
> aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his
> aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth
> receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an
> abrupt about- face, placed a single manual digit in lateral
> juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
> forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected
> his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.
> He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his
> conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his
> contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of
> burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto
> observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a
> common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation,
> audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the
> limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary
> constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest
> wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly
> pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
> 
> Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
>



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