[SOC] Giving Up On English

[Hank Kohl K8DD]

OK, I decided to give up on English. This is why:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to 
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant 
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English 
muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. 
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. 
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find 
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig 
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write 
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If 
the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One 
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Isn't it 
crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of 
odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? 
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats 
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the 
English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital, ship 
by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that 
smell? How about this? You park in the driveway and drive on the 
parkway? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a 
wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique 
lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, 
in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm 
goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the 
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. 
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the 
lights are out, they are invisible.

And, why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?