[SOC] IRVING THE DOG

[Reicher, James]

Morty visits the veterinarian and says, "Dr. Saul, my dog has a big
problem."

Dr. Saul asks him, "So what kind of dog is this?"

"He's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty.

"He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.

"Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: "Irving, fetch!"

Irving, the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and
says, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me
around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something.
And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me
this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a
special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do
you ever take me for a decent walk? NO! -- it's out of the house, a
short pish, and right back home! Maybe if I could stretch out a little,
the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead
for real for all you care!"

Dr. Saul is amazed. "This is remarkable! With such a dog, what could be
the problem?"

Morty exclaims, "He's got a hearing problem! I said 'fetch,' and he
thought I said 'kvetch'!"