[SOC] Eleven Puns

[Kevin Rock]

1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The 
stewardess stops them and says sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger."

2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental 
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to Hollywood 
and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina  and never amounted 
to much, and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank 
the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it 
too.

5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and 
announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused to 
take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby 
where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. 
The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to 
disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

8. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian 
family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family and is 
named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of 
himself. After seeing the picture, she tells her husband  she wishes she 
also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins,  for Pete's sake! 
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry 
payments.  Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their 
business flourished. A rival florist became upset that  his business was 
suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he 
asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. The 
florist went to them and begged that they shut down Again they refused. So 
the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. 
He went to the Friar's shop, beat them  up, destroyed their flowers, 
trashed their shop, and said that if they didn' t close, he'd be back.. 
Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. 
This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can help prevent florist Friars.

10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which 
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very 
little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very 
bad breath. This made him ... what? (This is so bad it's good) ... a 
super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

11. And finally There was a woman who sent 10 puns to some friends in 
hopes at least one of the puns would make them laugh.   Unfortunately no 
pun in ten did!