[SOC] Fw: Oh, Canada?

[N0UF]

These questions about Canada were posted on an International 
Tourism Website.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the 
plants grow?(UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around 
and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of 
places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

Q:! Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send 
me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? 
(UK)

A: We still use Beaver pelts.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Canada?(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of 
Europe.
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North. Oh forget it. 
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in 
Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you 
get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering 
Ger-man-y, which is.. . Oh, forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. 
Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, We don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of 
youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the 
female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay night-clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all 
year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan 
hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I 
forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns.(USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating 
the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them 
off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out 
walking.

Q: I was in Canada! in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the 
girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. 
Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.