[SOC] Italian lesson

[Nick Yokanovich]

Come stai? Molto benne. Bon giorno. Ciao. Arrivederci.  Every Italian 
from Italy knows these words and every Italian-American should.  But 
what about the goomba speech pattern? Those words and phrases that are a 
little Italian, a little American, and a little slang. Words every 
paison and bacciagaloop has heard, words we hear on The Sopranos and 
throughout our Little Italy neighborhoods of New York and New Jersey.
This form of language,  the "Goomba-Italiano" has been used for
generations. It's not gangster slang terms like  "whack" or "vig", if
that's what you are thinking---nope, this is real guido talk!

The goomba says ciao when he arrives or leaves. He  says Madonna Mia
anytime emotion is needed in any given situation. Mannaggia, meengya,
oofah, and, of course, va fungool can also be used. Capeesh? He uses a
mopeen to wipe his hands in the cucina, gets agita from the gravy and 
will schkeeve meatballs unless they are homemade from the famiglia. 
Always foonah your bread in the pot of gravy or you will be a goo-gootz.

Mezza-fanooks are usually mamalukes and the girl from the neighborhood
with the reputation is a facia-bruta puttana or a schifosa whoore. If 
you are called cattivo, gabbadost, schfatcheem, stupido, or strunz, you 
are usually a pain in the ass. A crazy diavlo can give you the maloikya 
(evil eye), but that red horn will protect you if you use it right. 
Don't forget to always say per favore and grazie and prego.

If you are feeling mooshadd or stunad or mezza-morta, always head to
Nonna's and she will fix you up with a little homemade manicott',
gavadell', or calamar', or some ricott' cheesecake. Mangia some 
zeppoles, canollis, torrone, struffoli, shfoolyadell', pignoli cookies, 
or a little Nutella on pannetone. Delizioso!

I think I'll head to the kitch and fix myself a  sengweecj of gabagol'
with some proshoot and mozarell' or maybe just a hot slice of abeetz. 
So salud' if you have any Italian blood in you and if you understood 
anything I wrote here. If so, you are numero uno and the professore of 
the goombas. If you don't get any of this, then fa Nabola with the whole 
thing, and  you are a disgraziato. Scuzi, me dispiachay, I didn't mean that.

Anyone have a ready-to-use Franglai lesson?

Nick in Arnold, MD
I am not a doctor but I have a lot of old magazines.