[SOC] Letter of Resignation

[Ian C. Purdie]

Dear Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have few very basic
expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect
that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and
annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our
duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of
our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a
waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know
how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide
amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to
understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary
still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people
hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure
this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new
iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.
You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on
overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone
else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert
principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however I have
a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me
a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to
comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years
to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am
going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you
made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are
not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers
b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts
with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in
safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try
to use a spell check please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk
by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little
twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never F*** with your
systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free
time!

Sincerely

David Blocker
Network Administrator