[SOC] some Q&A from downunda

[Lloyd Lachow]

------ Forwarded Message
>> From 'blog at: http://terrancecoyle.blogspot.com/
>>
>> "Apparently this lot came from an Australian 
tourism website, sadly I
>> don't have the link, but I was bored, it is friday 
afternoon after all.
>> I particularly like, 7, 8 ,10, 13, 22..."
>>
>> 1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have 
never seen it rain on
>> TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
>> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just 
sit around watching them
>> die.
>>
>> 2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the 
street? (USA)
>> A: Depends how much you've been drinking
>>
>> 3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I 
follow the railroad
>> tracks? (Sweden)
>> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots 
of water...
>>
>> 4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in 
Australia? (Sweden)
>> A: So it's true what they say about Swedes...
>>
>> 5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and 
addresses of places to
>> contact for a stuffed porpoise? (Italy)
>> A: Let's not touch this one.
>>
>> 6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in 
Australia? Can you send me a
>> list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and 
Hervey Bay? (UK)
>> A: What did your last slave die of?
>>
>> 7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo 
racing in Australia?
>> (USA)
>> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent 
south of Europe.
>> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the

Pacific which does
>> not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is 
every Tuesday night in
>> Kings Cross. Come naked.
>>
>> 8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
>> A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us 
when you get here and
>> we'll send the rest of the directions.
>>
>> 9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
>> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>>
>> 10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir 
schedule? (USA)
>> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country 
bordering Ger-man-y, which
>> is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays

every Tuesday night in
>> Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come 
naked.
>>
>> 11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
>> A: No, WE don't stink.
>>
>> 12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the 
fountain of youth.  Can
>> you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
>> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans 
gather.
>>
>> 13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
>> A: You are a British politician, right?
>>
>> 14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania 
where the female population
>> is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
>> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>>
>> 15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? 
(France)
>> A: Only at Christmas.
>>
>> 16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? 
(Germany)
>> A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
>>
>> 17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk

available all year
>> round? (Germany)
>> A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan 
hunter gatherers.  Milk is
>> illegal.
>>
>> 18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in 
Australia who can dispense
>> rattlesnake serum. (USA)
>> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where 
YOU come from.  All
>> Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be 
safely handled and make
>> good pets.
>>
>> 19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in 
Australia, but I forget
>> its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. 
(USA)
>> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called 
because they drop out of
>> gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking 
underneath them. You can
>> scare them off by spraying yourself with human 
urine before you go out
>> walking.
>>
>> 21. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I 
want to contact the girl I
>> dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you 
help? (USA)
>> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the 
hour.
>>
>> 22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places 
I go? (USA)
>> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

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