[SOC] Quantas

[Chris Redding]

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as
submitted by QUANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had
a major accident.


P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action entered by the engineers in the aircraft's log.

P: Left inside rear main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside rear main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs put on stores order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Number 3 engine found under right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to act its age, fly right, and be serious.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.