[SOC] "FWIW"

[soc@mailman.qth.net]

Bonjour � tous,

A short set of "man/woman" <jokes>.
Some, if not all, of them may be dupes. Sri for that.

72!
Claude

<<
AIRPLANE RIDE
Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill 
would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Martha always replied, "I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, 
and 10 dollars is 10 dollars."

One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, Martha, I'm 81 years 
old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Bill, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 
10 dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you 
both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one 
word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 10 dollars."

Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word 
was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By golly, I did 
everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Bill replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 
dollars is 10 dollars." 

===

FINDING THAT ONE SPECIAL GAL
Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and 
Jimmy just dates and dates.

Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect 
woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"

"No," Jimmy replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home 
to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"

"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your 
dear ole Mother?"

Many weeks go by and again Jimmy and his friend get together. "So, Jimmy, did 
you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your Mother?"

Jimmy shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My Mother loved 
her, they quickly became friends."

"Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"

"I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!" 

===

HIGH EXPECTATIONS
A friend of mine told me about this new Husband Shopping Center where a woman 
could go to choose from among many men for her husband. It was laid out in five 
floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the 
floors.

The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man 
from that floor and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to 
leave the place. So, a couple of girl friends go to the place to find a man as 
a prospective husband.

First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." 
The women read the sign and say, "Well that's better than not having jobs or 
not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up". So up they go.

Second floor says: "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are 
extremely good-looking." "Hmmm," say the girls. "But, I wonder what's further 
up?

Third floor: "These men have high-paying jobs, are extremely good-looking, love 
kids, and help with the housework. "Wow! say the women. "Very tempting, BUT, 
there's more further up!" And up they go.

Fourth floor: "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-
looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, 
mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the 
fifth floor they go.

The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are 
impossible to please." 

===

MEN AND WOMEN DIFFERENCES

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other 
Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each 
other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even 
though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none 
will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,a bar 
of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would 
not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, 
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children.A woman knows all about her children. She knows about Dentist 
appointments and romances,best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes 
and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. 

===

THE MEMORY IS THE FIRST THING TO GO
A couple in their nineties are having problems remembering things, so they 
decide to the go the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to 
start writing things down to help them remember things.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His 
wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen," he replies.

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" The husband says, "Sure." She 
gently reminds him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can 
remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that." She then says, "Well, I'd like some 
strawberries on top.

You'd better write it down 'cause I know you'll forget it." He says, "I can 
remember that - you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She adds, "I'd also like whipped cream. Now I'm certain you'll forget that, so 
you'd better write it down."

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down! I can remember that! Ice 
cream with strawberries and whipped cream!"

He then grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife 
a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and 
says, "Where's my toast? 

===

AND GOD CREATED WOMAN....
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.

Then he said to himself, "There's something he is needin"

After casting about for a suitable pearl,

He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,

Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,

And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud

Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,

And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,

And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

Then he added a mouth, and ruined the whole damn thing!! 

===

BUSTED
A man calls home to his wife and says, Honey I have been asked to go fishing at 
a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone 
for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been 
wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my 
rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house 
to pick my things up.

Oh! please pack my new blue silk pajamas.

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does 
exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, Yes! lots of Walleye, some Blugill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you 
pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?

The wife replies; I did, they were in your tacklebox.......... 
>>

THE END