[SOC] 31 Rules for Vegas

[soc@mailman.qth.net]

I liked Robs post, and i realized that i live in a city with a ton of 
misperceptions...so i also made up a little list for those folks who might be 
visiting us here...from a local perspective...and yes i stole the idea :-) 
(call it inspiration...happens all the time around here)

 1) The dancer in the club last night that you shelled out $200 to just to 
get a lapdance from does NOT really want you, she takes her money home to her 
kids and forgets about you

2) the bigger and flashier the casino, the more money you will lose in 
it...theres a reason they are so big and flashy, why theres no clocks in the 
casino and why they keep pumping you full of free alcohol all night...by the 
way, its not free ;-)

3) you dont have to take a picture of every local joe you see walking down a 
side street...hes probably checking out your camera

4) yes, people DO actually live here

5) BMW's, limos, Mercedes, Jags and mansions dont impress us either....but a 
half million dollar combine rolling down the central strip just might

6) good luck finding anyone to wave at you here

7) half this city is gravel roads...the money goes into the strip, not a 
single pothole there...if you leave the strip, its a warzone

8) if you are from Iowa, Texas or any place that is naturally friendly...do 
NOT drive down D street, i guarantee they have more firepower than your 
shotgun or pappys hunting rifle

9) before embarking on a crosstown drive, prepare yourself in a manner 
similar to that which a fighter pilot prepares himself before a live mission 
over very hot enemy territory...and buckle up!

10) as long as you have lots of cash on hand, the kingdom is yours

11) you can get coke here too...from a can, bottle, a tap or columbia

12) carry your wallet in your inside jacket pocket and dont keep checking on 
it...youre only telling the dregs where it is

13) stay mellow and remember that the predators can tell where you are from 
by your shoes alone...never plan a strategy of conflict from a movie you once 
saw about 2 cowboys humiliating the entire mafia...this is real stuff and 
they stay alive by preying on good, honest folks...who also saw that movie

14) if you are nice, thats cool...and welcome...but use it conservatively, 
when walking down the street walk fast and look straight ahead...just good 
advice (unless you are on the strip, then its perfectly ok to gawk and move 
slowly...but be sure you park first)

15) you want steak rare? want a lobster? sushi? Burger King?...you will be 
hard pressed to go hungry here...we have every kind of food you want, this 
place caters to every kind of appetite...only NYC beats us

16) were the kind of city that is gaudy enough to put a millionaires club 
golf course right next to a homeless shelter then have metro run off the 
"undesirables"

17) we love ham and turkey on chef salad too!

18) you can try to impress us with how hot it gets back home, but reasoning 
our temperature as "only dry heat" will change once you get here in August 
and walk down the strip in 122 degrees with a 35 mph southern wind...mix in 
high velocity sand and flying garbage...welcome to OUR home!

19) here we have a melting pot of people from everywhere...we have the sushi 
munching yuppie hanging out with the back woods redneck...they are likely 
doing business together over a chef salad with a coke....extra ham and no ice

20) we have "porn tunnels"...a literal 'tunnel' of mexican immigrants that 
line both sides of the sidewalk on the strip and hold out porn and brothel 
flyers to the point of having to walk through them like a subway 
turnstile...ignore them...unless you want some boom boom from a girl who 'ruv 
you rong time'

21) i will envy you guys on one thing for sure...you have homes, houses built 
by real workers with real materials...we have mass produced, sand covered 
shells thrown together in record time and in record numbers by illegal 
aliens...good luck finding a straight wall or level lidline

22) however...if you want some serious mexican food done right...you are in 
the right place!!

23) even the McDonalds on the strip has a flashing neon sign

24) the mormans run this place...remember who the boss is!!  want a reminder? 
look east, on the side of Sunrise mountain is the temple...you can see it 
from anywhere in the valley, you cant miss it, its covered in gold and ivory 
paint...the real gold is inside

25) we have an AES store here (ok, that last one was just me bragging :-))

26) fight the urge to shoot at cellphones...you will be grossly outnumbered 
by them...unless, of course, you are aiming for the ones stuck to drivers 
heads...then i say fire away!!

27) the best slot payoffs are in 7-11 and Smiths grocery...not Caesars or the 
MGM

28) yes we have Walmarts everywhere...we have at LEAST 5 Walmart superstores 
too

29) our women drive SUV's and make million dollar deals and wouldnt talk to 
you anyway...hell, they dont even talk to US!

30) if you get into a fender bender, dont be surprised if the cop cars and 
ambulance that show up is driven by lawyers all fighting eachother in the 
street over who will represent you in court...the real cops will be there 30 
minutes later, after lunch

31)   Cameras are everywhere!!  and im not talking about the ones the 
tourists bring

......other than that, come and play!!

73...Adam, N7YA
SOC 143  FP#86
www.NDUS3.com
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"Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one 
would give them money to save a jungle. same with swamps and wetlands"  
                                                             - George Carlin -

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