[SOC] More Groaners !!

[Bob Nielsen]

>>
>> > 1. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South.
>> > One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
>> > The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
>> > never amounted to much. The second one, naturally,
>> > became known as the lesser of two weevils.
>> >
>> > 2. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but
>> > when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,
>> > proving once again that you can't have your kayak
>> > and heat it, too.
>> >
>> > 3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the
>> > Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
>> > "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>> >
>> >
>> > 4. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
>> > Novocain during root canal?
>> >  He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>> >
>> > 5. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
>> > hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
>> > their recent tournament victories. After about an
>> > hour, the manager came out of the office and
>> > asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked,
>> > as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
>> > stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>> >
>> > 6. A woman has twins and gives them up for
>> > adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt
>> > and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
>> > they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
>> > picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving
>> > the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
>> > had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
>> > twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>> >
>> > 7. These friars were behind on their belfry
>> > payments, so they opened up a small florist shop
>> > to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
>> > from the men of God, a rival florist across town
>> > thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
>> > good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
>> > went back and begged the friars to close. They
>> > ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
>> > the roughest and most vicious thug in town
>> > to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
>> > friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if
>> > they didn't close up shop.  Terrified, they did so,
>> > thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
>> > prevent florist friars.
>> >
>> > 8. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
>> > most of the time, which produced an impressive set
>> > of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
>> > which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
>> > he suffered from bad breath. This made him.... what?
>> > (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good)
>> > A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>> >
>> > 9. And finally, there was the person who sent nine
>> > different puns to friends, with the hope that at least
>> > one of the puns would make them laugh.
>> >
>> > Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
>> >