[South Florida DX Association] Flea Speak

[NPAlex at aol.com]

Since this is hamfest season and especially Dayton weekend, I thought it 
appropriate to pass this along as we all search for "treasures".


============================================
What is flea speak at hamfests?

Flea speak is the jargon of second-hand vendors at a ham radio festival. 
Often it may have two meanings. Here is our guide.

Fleaspeak with english translation follows:

This rig puts out a BIG signal - It's 50 kHz wide.

This is a really good CW rig - It doesn't work on SSB.

This is a really good SSB rig - It doesn't work on CW.

This is a really good rig - It doesn't work on CW or SSB.

The transmitter is outstanding - It doesn't receive.

The receiver is really hot - It doesn't transmit.

This rig is really hot - It's stolen.

It seems to be a vintage regenerative type - It oscillates.

I just re-tubed it - Got 'em from questionable used tube stock.

I just aligned it - The slugs on the transformers are jammed.

I don't know if it works - It doesn't work, probably never has.

It doesn't chirp - It doesn't chirp because it doesn't transmit.

The audio sounds great - The 100 / 120Hz buzz is faithfully reproduced.

I just had it serviced - I sprayed WD-40 over all the wiring.

It comes with the original box - Just brush out the kitty litter.

Better buy it now, cause it won't last - No translation needed here.

Sure, it works at full power - It sucks all it can from the wall outlet.

This rig has wide frequency coverage - It drifts up and down and out of band.

Frequency stability is great - The VFO doesn't work - you'll have to use 
crystals.

Real popular rig in its day - There were whole HF nets on the repair and 
maintenance problems.

QST gave this one a really great review - The language broke new ground for 
profanity.

It might need a bit of tweaking - Marconi himself couldn't fix it, much less 
align it.

It was used in government service - It was stored outdoors on a wooden pallet.

The dial drive may need lubricating - The gears are stripped and the 
setscrew's frozen.

I plugged it in to check that it lights up - The light came from the two foot 
high flames.

I'm selling it because I have two of them - I'm getting rid of my parts radio.

You won't find one at a 'better' price - 'Better' defined as solely from the 
point of view of the seller.

This is a collector's item - The manufacturer just went belly up and won't 
honor the warranty.

It came from an estate sale - If you have any problem take it up with the 
original owner.

I had it on the air just last night - And you thought the woodpecker was 
gone?.

It worked last time I used it - If it still worked, I'd still be using it.

The only lightning damage was a fuse - The only lightning damage I recognized 
was a fuse.

I have the [ ? ] somewhere, I'll send it to you, trust me - You'll never see 
the [ ? ].

I'll help you carry it to the car - I'll do anything to unload this boat 
anchor.

It works O.K. on 80 meters - It had some parasitics but I got in and really 
screwed it up and now I want to unload it.

The tubes used by this rig are worth the asking price - The rig uses a rare 
7360 beam deflection tube for a balanced modulator, but it's blown and you'll 
spend at least $80+ to get a new one.

This is the rig of my dreams I really wanted one of these as a kid, but now 
I've got to let it go - As I've gotten older, I've learned what a hunka junk it 
is.

The signal quality of this rig was easily recognizable in its day - The high 
distortion and bad audio quickly identified this rig.

This rig will bring back the feelings and atmosphere of vintage ham gear - 
The bypass capacitors to the AC line put enough voltage on the chassis to give 
you a shock in the lips through the microphone, and it smokes so bad when you 
turn it on that you'll probably start coughing and wheezing.

I'd keep this baby, but my wife is making me clean everything out of the 
shack - I finally got around to giving this thing the proverbial heave-ho.

There are a couple of other people interested in it - Someone sat on it to 
tie his shoelaces while walking past the table.

You'd better buy it now, because I'm leaving soon - The previous buyer and 
his brother, Guido, are heading back toward the table and they aren't smiling.

SO SMILE NOW! - Hamfests aren't 'really' like this at all. Enjoy the rest of 
your day. - VK2TIP