[Scan-DC] Man creates buzz by giving police scanner to his wife for Christmas

[Alan Henney]

The Virginian - Pilot (Norfolk, VA.)

Main; Pg. 001

Easy Does It | Man creates buzz by giving police scanner to his wife for Christmas

Jo-Ann Clegg Correspondent

January 5, 2017

I am sitting at the kitchen table in my son's house as I write this. It is two days after Christmas, and the house is empty except for one grandson, one dog and me.

I know the grandson is still in the house because I have heard his shower running for the past 47.5 minutes. He has just surpassed his father's record of 46.1 minutes set in 1974. I would have pounded on his bathroom door long ago but unlike the layout of the little ranch we lived in when his father was his age, this particular bathroom is one story up and the equivalent of half a block away. I'm not even sure of the shortest route to get there.

Nor am I sure which side of the door the dog is on at the moment. Since I sat down to write this I have let her in or out 11 times, and I'm not sure where we are in that cycle at the moment.

That could possibly be because, while the house is basically empty, it is not quiet. There is something called a scanner that is insisting on sending out a series of sounds every few minutes to inform Unit 52 or Station 3 or some other bunch of first-responders that they are needed somewhere to extinguish a fire, rescue someone or get a cat out of a 35-foot pine tree.

The scanner belongs not to one of the grandsons who might be expected to enjoy the excitement of knowing where the pumpers and police vehicles are going and exactly what they're doing once they get there.

This scanner was a gift to my son from his wife. My first words to her when I realized what she had done were classic - if not original: "Are you out of your everlovin' mind?"

This is the son who got his first scanner the same year he set the now-broken long-shower record. In those days scanners were the size of 1940s table radios and produced mainly static. Nobody hated ours more than I did, except maybe my parents. Said son was given strict orders not to turn it on when they came to visit. Like most teens, he found a loophole in that set of orders.

One Friday evening a couple of our worlds collided. We were commanded to be at a cocktail party at the same time my parents were due to arrive for the weekend. If you've ever had duty in Washington, you understand the command part.

The kids were given orders for their behavior, including the one about don't turn the scanner on when Nana and Bopbop get here. We should have been more explicit.

When we got home we found my parents sitting on the living room sofa with their arms crossed, jaws set and daggers shooting from their eyes. Ten feet away, three scanners sat on the dining room table spewing out bongs, voices and static. Bill walked across the room and disconnected all three.

The chorus of thanks from the sofa was barely audible over a chorus of "who pulled the plugs" from a gang of teens charging out of the family room.

Later, after things settled down to what passed for normal at our house and we had released our son from solitary confinement, we asked why in the world he had done what we asked him not to.

His answer? "You told me not to get out my scanner while Nana and Bopbop were here and I didn't. Jim, Mike and Tim brought theirs over. We had them set up before they got here."

Lesson learned: If you're dealing with teenage males, hire an attorney to draw up the contract.